Waiting For Something

You weren’t waiting

for me.  You were

waiting for

something,

anything, and I

I was something.

But I am

more than something.

I am everything,

to me.  I am

the world, and

god.  I am god,

But not to

you.  I was

something, I

could’ve been

anything, but you

didn’t treat me

as a god.  You treated

me as

something.

The Hundredth Look

It took

a long time

for her

to find the

peace, the

happiness, the

security in

him. It wasn’t

the first time

she saw him,

it was the

hundredth, maybe more.

She had looked

past, looking

for the happiness

elsewhere. But he

had it

within him,

waiting, dormant,

for her to find it.

Bricks

The heaviness is more

powerful than

me. I can’t resist

the weight.

It is keeping me,

holding me,

touching me.

It is firmiliar,

like a friend,

a friend I know,

a friend I trust.

I trust this heaviness

to hold me down.

I trust it

to keep me here.

It has been

with me for so long.

It is natural,

loving,

caring,

and heavy.

I am scared.

Scared to fight back.

Scared to refuse.

Scared to resist.

See Her Fly

I was born a mother

I was born two weeks too late for the second

three years too late for the first.

I was brought into the world

by a father

and a daughter

I was helping a girl toddle

before I myself had

taken my first steps.

I was born strong,

steady.

I was born for her

for my baby,

my girl.

They can give

her a name,

a face,

a hair color.

I gave her

herself.

I gave her

her memories.

And she gave me mine

I saw her first step.

I saw her first laugh

I gave her

her laugh

I gave her wonderment

I was the one who

showed her the flowers

I gave her those summer days

tasting like frozen lemonade and laughter.

I was the roots of her happiness

holding her life together

letting nothing erode.

But she has forgotten

She has left me

for someone else

who has more wonders

to dazzle her with.

But I showed her

the greatest

the smallest.

I showed her

her love for the world

for writing.

I showed her

how to fly.

And I learned from

her smiles what it

is like to soar

While my feet are

cemented, rotting

away in the ground.

What I would give

to remember what it

was like to see

her fly.

All Gone

It is all

gone.

Gone like you.

Gone like me.

We are gone.

According to you.

But maybe I

am still

here.

Hoping,

hoping,

hoping.

That you

aren’t gone.

Makes You Different

The things that

make you

different,

that make you

special,

that make you

beautiful.

They are

perfect.

Because you are

perfect.

A World

And what if

what if I

could find

a world.

A world

for us.

But this world,

it is an illusion.

Needing an audience

I wish I

didn’t need

an audience.

I wish I

could be content.

I wish I

could want to accomplish something

for me.

I wish I

didn’t need you.

But I do.

I will always need

an audience.

I will always need you

Delete

Delete,

Delete,

Delete

Repetitive pushing of that one button

Delete.

Doubt,

Anxiety,

Fear.

No certainty.

No words

From a prodigy.

Delete

Why aren’t they coming?

The words,

Always so easy to grasp,

To find,

To capture.

Never illusive,

Yet today,

When I need them most

They have disappeared

Into thin air,

Delete,

Delete,

Delete.

Much too long

today was perfect

or close enough,

everything was back,

back to the way it should be,

back to the way it was.

I forgot our perfectness.

It has been too long,

too hard of a road for me.

But today the perfect was tangible

If not quite there

but almost

perfect enough for me

Why did you shut me out?

I have been waiting

for too long,

much too long.