You are always flitting from person to person, holding one, and dropping the other.  I stand here waiting, in momentary silence, waiting for your other friends to abandon you, so you will turn back to me.  I feel bad, knowing that you will always have to start over again every time.  I could be flitting too, like a bird, I could fly away, just like you, and maybe our flight would intersect at one point.  Or maybe it wouldn’t.  I would be able to be friends with everybody, making people hate me, and then love me again.

But I like being insistent, it frees me in it;s own way.  People count on me, they come to me, I don’t come to them.  I don’t have to spill my heart out to anyone, it isn’t a requirement for my kind of friendship.  I never have to win anyone over.  I can simply hold their hand forever, never letting them go.  But sometimes it isn’t easy, sometimes I get made, and then I let go.  I have let go of you too often, I have even pushed you away.  I feel like I owe you again and again.  I always complain about you, tell your secrets.  It is something that I friend never does.

I keep other people’s secrets.  I keep more important secrets, after bigger fights.  I don’t know why it is so hard for me to be a good friend to you.  Maybe if you were better to me it would reciprocated. People who I am worse friends with than you have more of a right to trust me.  When you look at me, what do you see, a back-up friend?  Whenever I spend time with you we are friends, but it isn’t the same as best friends.  You talk about your best friends, and I am never in that list, because I stand behind them, a just in case.

Maybe if you stopped and thought for a second about how luck y you are to have me always being there for you, you would treat me better, and I would treat you better.  Right now you only make me feel bad about myself.  You are my weakness.  You are the friend I don’t want people to know about.  I hide what I have done to you, hoping you will fly back to me, because I still have hope that you will stay.

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