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Beyond Buff

Today i feel beyond buff.  I walked out of the gym and I felt like I could do anything.  I could fly to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro.  I could run to Mexico and stop the drug wars.  It was amazing.  And then I decided this feeling was called beyond buff, because I am beyond buff.  I had spent the last hour lifting weights and doing pull-ups.

On Friday, I dribbled up to the Fragrance lake look out, where we ditched our soccer balls, then we ran around the lake and on the way down I twisted my ankle.  This was the same ankle that I have sprained more than five times and broken once.  So, the whole entire weekend was spent by me sitting and watching tv shows.  I felt so lazy.  I usually exercise for at least two hours every day.  I went from that to sitting on my butt and I couldn’t stand it.  So, today I hobbled into the gym and decided to work on every muscle in my body, without using my ankle.

I was working so hard that I was shaking, and my abs were burning, but I didn’t stop and I just kept pushing up and going down.  And every second was painful, but it was amazing.  I loved it and I didn’t want to leave, because I felt beyond buff.

I can do it

I can always push harder.  I can always do one more lift or one more step.  I can raise my arms higher and pull myself all the way up.  And you help me do it.  You stand next to me and tell me I can do better.  You make me believe in myself.  You make me smile, because you know that I can go farther and farther.  And because of that I go farther and farther.

I was doing leg lifts and I couldn’t bring myself to do one more.  Then I saw you beside me, telling me that I could do one more, so I did.  I always do more when you are around.  You have so much confidence and belief.  I don’t know if everyone feels the way that I do.  I think that I am special.  You always stand next to me and help me.  You critic my form and tell me that I can do more reps or more weight.  So thank you, because you have made me be able to push harder and harder.

Protected: I DO like people

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I just read the best blog ever.  At least now, because it was funny and engaging, and distracted me from my boring day.  And then I realized that is why I can’t seem to get anybody to read my blog, because it is boring.  The only people who read my blog are three of my friends who only read it, to be able to say they do.

How am I supposed to be interesting if all I do is stay inside and watch Psych on my computer all day and ice my ankle.  I never knew that vacation could be this boring.  Plus I feel really lazy.  How do I get an interesting life if I can’t walk to the toilet? And really watching famous people on tv and reading famous people’s blogs is not helping with my feeling of insignificance.

I’m too young to have disaster boyfriends and talk about finals.  I am stuck in my last year of middle school where everyone around me is making inappropriate jokes that no body gets, because none of them are even allowed to watch R rated movies or listen to explicit songs.  My friends pretend to be sexy and cool when really they are nerds going through puberty.  So maybe I will have to wait a little until we can actually have a life people will laugh at and to be able to not have to crawl to the bathroom.

So what is right and wrong?  I used to have such a clear view.  My morals always guided my decisions, but now I don’t know what is right and what is wrong, or at least I don’t know how to support my argument.  Why is staying up late bad thing?  Or being a slut?  Why are those bad things.  If that is what you want to do, and it isn’t harming anyone else, why is it bad?

There are some things that I am certain about.  It is wrong to talk about someone behind their back, or play with some bodies feelings.  It is wrong to insult someone, or make fun of someone.  But things that I have always taken for granted as wrong, aren’t actually that bad, or they aren’t bad in a way I can support.

Is it bad to spend your whole life living in a hippie van smoking pot?  Isn’t that what you want to do?  You are following your dreams, no matter what anybody else says.  Here are my supporting reasons why you can’t live your life in a hippie van, you don”t generate any good, you might make your family mad, and it is bad for your health.  Is that really that bad? No, there are far worse things that people do on a regular basis, but those people look down on people who smoke pot.   So I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore.  If anybody has any more reasons why smoking pot in a hippie van is bad I would love to hear it.