Pressure

She saved me today.  I had gone through enough, I was trying  to be the perfect little girl, living up to every expectation you could possibly force on me, when I made a mistake.  A big one.  I could have easily told you, and we would have turned around, but I couldn’t tell you, not today.  I had already forgotten too many things.  Sometimes I am so scared to tell you something, I go without it, suffering because I couldn’t bring myself to admit my mistake.  I get other people to cover for me.

 

I wouldn’t have to do this if you weren’t so harsh.  Expecting me to always be perfect.  I try so hard, but every time you see me slack off, you get mad.  I forget things, I have too many things in my head, and there are always other things i need to remember.  And you are always shocked when I forget, pushing me down again, you don’t need to punish me more than I have already punished myself.

 

I try and make you happy.  I clean up the house, give you little gifts, bring coffee to you in bed.  I am interested in what you want me to be interested in.  I talk to, knowing that I am risking messing up, but you don’t realize that.  You don’t understand that I have to try so hard to overcome the fear of talking to you when you are in one of your moods.

 

So today, when I realized I had left something again, she saved me.  She didn’t end up picking it up, but she said she would.  She was there for me.  I started to have one of my break downs.  I try and wait till I get home, but when an anxiety attack comes on, I have a hard time fighting it, but when she told me it would be okay, I calmed down, I stopped crying.  So I am very thankful for her.

Advertisements
Leave a comment

1 Comment

  1. love you, and you are a perfect girl!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: